huiminn

I need a place to rant so here i am.

What is this shit sia. I woke up earlier just so that can go with you to work then you come tell me you’re alr at some place damn close to work? You know i didn’t have to wake up so early!? I could have slept awhile more! Urgh.

Another emotional weekend has passed, and an emotional week to come.

He is no longer my bestfriend. He himself said stop it with the bestfriend crap. I guess, having your boyfriend being your bestfriend isn’t something you can just call. But needs to be built before the two bestfriends become lovebirds.

Back to being aloneee. Foreveralone93. Hahahaha.

I know i’m demanding, irresponsible. And all those that you think. The problem which started is cus i wanted more. And you knowing (or maybe not knowing i don’t know) that i want more, won’t give or should i say you give in your own way which to me is nothing. I already say i’m demanding. Yes i know.

You say you are xin han-ing. Ever thought me too? No right, cus you expect me to be not caring about anything since i started all this crap. Well, too bad i actually am. And my mood nowadays isn’t too good either. So yes, huo shang jia you. You say that i didn’t care about how sad you will be when i created this mess. Then have you ever wondered what made this mess? You tell me that you will change if need to, and after this situation do you think you need to? No? I will not be the one who asked you to change. If you want to change, change based on what you feel.

And to my two supposedly close friends, or should i say BFFs. If ifs so hard to keep me within your bubble, then just leave me out entirely. Don’t leave me hanging to your every word. If you keep me in the bubble of yours, you better respond to me. Else it just shows how evil you are to leave someone hanging there without knowing what exactly is the problem. I understand that since you two are always together 5 days (or more) of the week, you’ll bond closer as compared to me. So yeah slowly you won’t really remember about the third person that was once in your circle. The inside jokes that you two have that will not be understandable to the third person.

See, demanding or what.

I am not a person who will forever be there. Maybe for my BFFs, they kinda wish me to be gone. But to my boyfriend, i’m not somebody who will always be there. I wish i could, but i know i wouldn’t. I know i cannot take you for granted too.

To my BFFs, if you want me to be gone, just tell me straight in the face will ya? I think i cannot be that kind and good person who listens to you when you have trouble. Not for the time being. If you want me to listen to you talk about certain things then please keep me involved in the rest.

Tyvm.

Love,
Selfish girl

Hate it when someone whom you hold as your close friend, someone who EVEN SAID IT HERSELF that we are(?) BFFs. Yeah right. I’ll bet you say things based on that minute/situation/whatever else. You know something? I’m done with being played and used. I guess or feel that the difference in me, between 10 years ago and now, is that i’m done being used.
Kinda dread Monday, not because of work. But because of you.

I should be happy that there’s someone who doesn’t mind me as his girlfriend. Who doesn’t mind having a FAT girlfriend.

I shall stay strong. I’ve been able to pull myself up for some of the troubles i have. I should be able to hold on. I’m strong.

But deep inside, i feel that being in a relationship, doesn’t really bring me security. In fact, it makes mr doubt even more on what a person i am.

My mood is bad. Why are we communicating lesser and lesser? And i thought it should be the other way.

After your two years in army, will the communication not rise? Will it be “why were you able to take it last two years and not now?”

What am i to do? I don’t feel like i’m in a relationship anymore. Just a friendship where we call each other pet names. When we meet, sometimes i feel as though we’re strangers.

We love each other. But why do things end up this way?

Ever had this kind of experiences before? I’m sure someone else out there does. I do. Lots of them. 

Why is it that when I make friends, somehow or rather, these friendships never stay long enough for me to know that if I have troubles, if I have thoughts, I can count on them? 

Now, at 8.52pm 02/09/2011, I’m facing a friendship trouble with one of the two good friends I only have in class. 

I don’t mind, being the one who you vent your anger on, being the one you choose to ignore, being the one you dislike because of hearing some things that maybe I should have told you personally but didn’t. I don’t mind doing all these, because I feel that’s what friends are for. Because ultimately, you’ll know that what I’ve done, is just because of how much I value you as a friend. 

I don’t mind the constant coldness I get from you, although yes I’m starting to mind because its getting quite frequent, and majority of the times, I do not know the reason why you’re acting like that. I’m actually okay with the idea if you dislike me, giving me the cold shoulder. All I ask, is to TELL ME THE REASON. 

Is it that hard? 

Unless of course you say that there’s no reason, and you just dislike me. Too bad for me then. 

Kelly, I know what I told you yesterday, may have hurt you in a way or two. Or maybe many ways. But, all in all, I do treat you as one of my best friends. (Y) Yijin is one, you are the other one. Yh, is still to me a good friend too. But I think its just me down on my luck, to lose this friend (most possibly). 

Yihui, I really don’t want to lose you as a friend. I know it must have crushed our friendship, when you heard things I said about you from other people’s mouths. I am really sorry. It was my wrong judgement, to feel that you shouldn’t know it yet, and that I went to tell others, when I should have told you directly.